Lisa needs braces! Dental plan.. Lisa needs braces! Dental plan..

Some of you may get that title, some may think I'm crazy. For the latter folk, Google and YouTube are your friends.

I took my three year old, Ben for his first dentists visit today.

Two nights ago I was brushing Benny's teeth (who trusts a three year old to brush on their own?) and he was pushing me away. That's very normal for all of my boys, I can be quite aggressive. But tonight was different, he was really pushing me and sobbing. Hitting my hands away and turning his head. I knew something was wrong, but I didn't push it any further. \
Fast forward to yesterday night. I laid him down and started to tickle his belly so during his fits of laughter, I could get a good look at his back teeth. To my horror - a GIANT black spot on his back molar. I pried the poor kids mouth open and dug around, he was really mad at me. I asked him where it hurt, he pointed right at the tooth in question. I felt sick to my stomach. How did this happen? What could we have done better? ....how the !*(@ are we going to afford this?!!?

Kurt did his best to settle me. Naturally, when he wasn't looking, I ran straight to google.

Pictures of severely neglected, decaying children's teeth, medical studies of how terrible childhood cavities are, pretty much everything I should not have seen.

I went to bed early, all I could do is call a local dentist in the morning and beg them to squeeze me in.

2am, I wake up in a cold sweat. I am a terrible, horrible mother. We have no dental plan. I'm self employed, and we have no dental plan. This could cost us a lot of money.

I should have gone to university.
I should have become a Dr!
I shouldn't have squandered my teenage years away being cool, and got a medical degree.
What if this happens again with our other kids?
What if dental bills break our finances apart?
We will lose our house, have to live in someones basement - and eat out of cans to survive.
I am an awful, terrible, horrible mother.

So - in a nutshell - my sons (possible) first cavity, lead our family to bankruptcy and homelessness. This is all my fault because I'm self employed.

I cried. Maybe I took it a little far, but there was definitely some guilt there. I was up until 6:30 am, giving myself a mental lashing.

I had a good long think about it. The reason we are doing this is so that we can be with the kids. Sure we may have to make a few risky moves, but it's worth the risk when I get to sit and eat lunch with my kids, pick my son up from the bus every day and kiss every boo boo. Even if we have to spend loads of money on dental bills, we will find the money somewhere and make this work.

Benny and I just got back from the dentist, turns out that we had one very resilient-to-brushing blackberry seed, and I have quite a flair for the dramatic. (Silence, Kurtis..)

Self employment is tough. Others can hate their job, but know when their next pay day will be. Sometimes, like these past few days, it can weigh pretty heavy on my shoulders.
I have keep telling myself, I made these choices so I wouldn't miss a minute of my kids lives.

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